It is so important to understand your values. To have a grasp on what you bring to a situation and also a firm idea of what you value.
People have their own ideas of values. Some value homemaking while others value holding a job. It is interesting to step back and better understand the dynamics behind what one values. This will help you give yourself or another grace, even when you may see things from different perspectives.
There are some important core values that are non-negotiable, such as a relationship with God, doing our best to abide in His word and keep His commands, living our lives intentionally as representatives of God, etc. But around these key fundamentals, there is an amazing area of holding a line and practicing flexibility.
Giving Values Their Proper Place
I believe it is important not to undervalue yourself. I say this as one who often catches myself discounting my personal preference for another. There is definitely a time and place to consider another first, but not at the cost of undervaluing yourself.
I’m still trying to find the sweet spot with this, as I want to be thoughtful and kind. But on the other hand, you literally teach people how to treat you through what you accept. There is a certain line that you want to hold, not being too easy but also not being too difficult.
The problem with being too easy is that you forget to actually form an opinion with things that matter to you so you teach people to walk all over you. Not that this is your intent or theirs, but it is what happens. And then further down the road when you finally feel the need to let them know it is important to you, everyone is surprised and feels blindsided. Them because you put up with it so long, and you because you harbored frustration through it. So much better to speak up now – nicely – than to live feeling deprived.
The reverse of this is having too strong an opinion so that you form opinions about everything, including things not within your circle of influence. This is another source of frustration, both for you and whoever you are forming opinions about. At work, I can find it less than helpful when a passerby tells me what products would be better for me to carry or that I should change my menu. It would be one thing for a loyal customer to make recommendations, that would hold more value. But when a stranger tells me how to change something on their behalf, their opinion holds little to no value for me.
Relationship Values
Values are so important in relationships, be they romantic or work relationships, common ground is priceless!
It is so important to understand the value we bring to a relationship. As members of the body of Christ, we should always be trying to improve and grow. To bring value to the situations around us and be a blessing to others. It is essential to have a foundation for your values (God’s Word) and be secure in it. If another does not appreciate your values, don’t let that sway you from what God has impressed on you as important. Hold steady! The right people will appreciate it!
This is true of business and work relationships, friends, and loved ones. Don’t sell yourself short. Remain faithful and in due time you will meet people who appreciate your values, if you don’t give up! This has been the case time and time again with employees. I’ve had to weed through plenty that don’t have a similar foundation to mine. It matters who you work with and spend your time with. It matters who represents your business. Settling out of desperation is never a good call.
The same is true of friends or romantic relationships – common ground is essential! With common ground, together you can be synergistic. Without it, conflicts are high.
Governing Your Values
For the sake of sanity, learn to govern your values. Don’t waste your time and effort trying to assign them to another – it will frustrate you both. Have confidence that just as God has impressed on you what He needs you to accomplish, He can also communicate to another without your help.
I’m not saying we can’t encourage another or even offer advice if asked, but I think it is so important to give others the space to be who they are uniquely created to be! I say this from the perspective of friends and acquaintances. If we are talking children then they are absolutely your responsibility to a certain age. Once they reach a certain age (based on circumstances and maturity), I believe it is time to let them grow up. Again, be on hand to encourage or offer advice, but work to scale it back to advice, not direction. You had their growing up years to direct, that work should ideally be accomplished already!
I try to remember this when I hire and train employees. Once the training is done, if I’ve done my job well and hired someone with similar values, then they should be able to do their work with minimal monitoring. This is definitely more true with some than others. But it is my job to figure out how to communicate so that we can get to the same level so that I can step back and still count on them to do the job they’ve been hired to do.
Just like all things in life, this feels like aiming at a moving target. We are all human and all have our unique struggles. But I believe that learning to understand your values will bless you and those around you! Seek God daily, talk with Him, and He will direct your steps!
Until Next Time!
Hope.